New research by Doctor overturns traditional beliefs about healthy living !

Humor | Zigfred | April 26, 2012 4:31 pm

A world renowned Doctor who refuses to be named as of now because of his controversial discoveries apparently has made breakthroughs in his research and has overturned traditional beliefs about healthy living. Below is our interview with him.

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise
can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it…
Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart
not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving
faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled
wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of
goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your
ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating
in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy:
No pain…good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil.
How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a
little soft around the middle?

A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.
You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another
vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any
misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And

remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but
rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other
- body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO – HOO, what a
ride!!”

AND…..

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the
final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after
all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans…

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of
sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.